1. |
Shadows
03:52
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Hello again, sorry to bother you. I’ve washed my hands, would you mind if I step in?
If I come in you see I’ve got some things to say, so would you be so kind to pretend you’re listening?
Mmmm Mmmmmm
He likes lipstick, but I don’t wear it- so I put it on and take it off again.
Rehearse my smile once more than usual, haven’t used this one yet for you Dear.
That afternoon I put my book back on the shelf, shook the good from my fingers
Don’t want it now.
Honestly I’d gotten tired up on that fence, so I snuck down and headed to the shadows.
And I said “Hey there shadows, would you kindly let me in? I’ve been watching 'cross the way for some time hoping to get in. I’ve got my big girl smile, got a handle on my sin. I’ve only eyes for one and then I’m out again”
That afternoon I couldn’t look back at you.
Tipping toes down the trail, looking forward for once on my blinded way.
Snapping leaves and crackling hearts, rolling over for wants- I’ve made my mind up.
That afternoon. Mmmm.
How empowering to make ones own decision.
Do you still find it endearing, this new-found independence?
Hello again, sorry to bother you. I’ve lost my hand remind me how did I begin? They lead me to a clearing with tattoos and cigarettes,
They laughed and spat me out again, the shadows turned and said
“Hey there little shadow, we’re delighted you came in, you’ve been wandering for some time we wondered when you would give in.
You’ve got your big girl smile, but a woman’s needed now."
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2. |
Louise
03:38
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She’s stepping out, trying to map it all out
But who will be here celebrating this final individuating?
The grieving is loud, but could you be more proud of your girl - seemingly hopeless case -
With prayerful heart and furrowed face
Oh Lady Louise. She sways as she sings. Wearing the blood-red grin ‘all-knowing’, and shoes too big for her opinion.
She’s late, it would seem. Though questions run deep.
So could you blame her for exploring?
These boots were made for walking
Friend just how do we live now?
My name is Louise, surely you’re proud of me? Please don’t
un-think the thoughts that I’ve been thinking/ un-write the laws that I’ve been living
Please let me be- yes I’m afraid but intrigued Lord.
Do you see how far I’ve come?
You can barely hear me cry no more
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3. |
Vignette
02:40
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Hold on My Love, the vignette’s not yet fallen.
Shall we write a song? Don’t want to waste a moment.
How long before I go again?
Thank you for the recollection, how many times have you told me this one?
Hold my hand, I’m faint again.
You tell it with such animation, never stop I guarantee
I’ll laugh more every time.
Hold on My Love, the vignettes not yet fallen.
Shall we write a song? Don’t want to waste a moment.
How long before I go again?
I’m sorry I’ve been sleeping, but
I love to see your winning smile.
Did I forget your face again?
You’re the most beautiful thing- Do you still see me like I see you?
I’ve lost some years, haven’t I?
Hold on. My Love. The vignette’s not yet fallen.
Shall we write a song? Don’t want to waste a moment.
How long before I go again?
Tell me –and be honest- while my love grows, are you tired?
I’m sorry, but I’m human.
I know you’ve made your mind up that I’ll fail your perfect love but please oh please.
Wait for me.
No time for chorus lets not fight. How long ‘til the world snatches me?
Please be here when I wake. Please be here when I wake.
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4. |
Curious Creature
02:44
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On the average Monday my thoughts are as worn as my clothing;
Tattered and torn from all the tumbling ‘round and ‘round without a breath.
Time and time again I sit connecting dots to my own confusion,
I draw the same lines and conclusions, all the power in my fickle fingers.
For you have called me ‘A maiden of mystery’. A curious creature. (Curious Creature)
More often than not I do things upside down, and inside out.
I’m backward but your smile looks forever forward
Yet I’m still lost for what to put before you.
How did you intend I spend my days in this age?
Seemingly impossible is a safe and approved exploration of a world so-
What do you think? Certainly you know me? That one day I’d ask you questions. I’m not ‘trying’ anything with you.
Did you know I draw new tear tracks these days?
Digging deeper in places I’d never dare venture before.
Clearwater re-enforcing the way.
I’ll wander in wonder
To freedom in clarity
Both beautiful and terrifying.
Do you already know my way before I make it?
Do you warn your heart before I break it?
How is it I can never concentrate?
Walk, to stoop, to fall.
How can I trust your offer is so much more?
How am I now weaker than before?
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5. |
Lives On Wheels
04:54
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Broken speakers push the silence to my ears on the highway.
Yellow plastic on my shattered window, rattling in the wind and silence.
Left alone with my thoughts I’m driving down a dark road.
Gliding almost flying I can’t see the ground, praying hands will hold on tight.
These are lives in boxes, rolling to and fro on wheels that wind up.
Dented silver car abandoned on the roadside.
Did they see it coming, did they turn a blind eye?
Ten and two or five and seven wake up to the street lights.
Cat eyes waiting patiently forgotten, for the lane change, then it hits me.
These are lives in boxes, rolling to and fro on wheels that wind up.
These are lives in boxes, rolling automatic on the wheels that wind up.
These are lives in boxes, swerving oil patches to the lanes that guide us.
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6. |
Big Boat
05:14
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Look at that boat, big leaky boat. It sailed around once, cruised, flaunted, floated the world.
Then it hit hard, now it’s cracked and it’s broken, and there’s not enough buckets to hold all the ocean, and go on.
Sometimes I sit on the jetty and watch as it continues sinking, I find myself thinking, “Perhaps I’ll get on?”
I can’t help but think I don’t really belong here- Unmerited warmth, plus I’m dry and I’m bored.
This big book of truth that so many have memorized, I get lost in the pages more and more every day;
With ‘ians and ‘ites, ‘ostles, prophets, disciples. Familiar faces- my cold-footed friend Jonah
And so I retreat from your house and your people, dive into delicious pain, a texture so beautiful.
I.
If I climbed aboard and put on my face, at least none would suspect, I thought any different.
I’d use all my strength to hold on real tight, then maybe we’d sing our songs of pain through the night.
I.
I perch on the sinking boat, far from the shore. Carefully calculate and filter my voice.
Composed and sophisticated, I’ll open the times. A whirlwind of stories of flags and their cries;
With the ‘ists and the ‘isms and the ‘itians and ‘olitics, it’s man over board, as I retreat from the
shouting. From all of the papers that stain my skin- Roll them up, throw them in the fire.
Promise one day I’ll understand.
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7. |
Wasting My Time
01:59
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But you know that I know that I’ll waste my time.
Yes you know and I know that I’ll waste my time.
Lord over and over again for the sake of my pride.
Somehow over and over again I’m wasting my time.
But you know that I know that I’ll waste my time.
Yes you know and I know that I’ll waste my time.
Countless unnecessary mountains I climb.
How many times, hand to your head, do you roll your eyes?
But you know that I know that I’ll waste my time.
Yes you know and I know that I’ll waste my time.
Tell me to qualify do I vocalize.
When really the superficial is my desire?
Some days I foolishly critique your design.
Reading as confines and rules to abide by
Bye Love, my true Love. Never failing.
Apparently I’d rather be wasting my time.
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8. |
Heard
03:37
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She’s taken all the words from this one.
Adjectives and verbs from this one.
Spent and spinning tricks and trials.
Trading heart for words, words, words
And now she’s moved to cries and weeping,
But who’s to say they are not real?
Though she knows he loves her sleeping,
All she wants is to be heard
By now you must know manipulation.
By reading her frown and intonations.
This dear girl she’s bowed once again
As she begins to mourn, mourn, mourn
What she’s made of, and what she’ll let go
But who’s this woman on her tail?
She’s worn and weary clutching her pride,
Still thinks she knows more, more, more
‘til she stops holding her nose up,
Long enough to bring it down
By now she’s empty out of aggression,
Surrendered and returned to that little girl who you’ve called beautiful
It took and hour to stop and listen. To realize I’m not the reason.
For this time and dedication is no others but yours.
This, my latest composition is the step you’re waiting for.
For not for my rhyme or rhythm.
It’s for my tears your keeping score.
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9. |
My Concession
03:30
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10. |
Be Still
02:40
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Sometimes I can’t tell how I feel, so I write it down.
Sometimes I can’t write it down, so I resort to singing.
I thought I had all the answers when I trusted you My Lord.
Somehow now in this beautiful place I’m feeling down.
On the first day of winter I dived into the sea, hoping for some answers.
Then I climbed into a tree, hoping that I was braver.
Take my simple song and remind me that you are God.
I’ll sit and repeat “Be still, and know that I am God”
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Shana Grace Auckland, New Zealand
I wonder about life. I write those wonderings in my journal, and then I make songs out of them.
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